My Closet Is Trying to Tell me Something

My closet is dead set on getting a message across. 

"I can no longer support the weight of your massive wardrobe.  You have a problem."

I just cannot imagine what it is trying to say, when I awoke the other morning and for the second time this month, my desiner-esque clothing was once again in a tangled heap on the closet floor.

"Have you watched Hoarders?  If I had phone access, I would be making contact with the producer."

I had already replaced the piece that had broken once.

It was smiling before it came to its untimely death.

Since that was not working, I sought help at ACE Hardware, 

where I explained my situation.

"I have a lot of clothing.

So much so that my hardware keeps breaking.

It doesn't rip out the screws from the wall,

It just cracks from the shear force of the weight

of my wardrobe,  which I have collected,

dating back to 1995."

(No kidding.  You should see my denim CK vest and matching mini*. 

*Which I never wear.)

The ACE man looked at me weird, 

led to to an aisle

and shoved a package of new metal hardware into my hand.

He then mumbled something about considering adding another rod.

I'm going to assume it is a titanium alloy of some sort.

Lucky for me, 

I have an outlet in my closet.

So I was able to drill new holes.

You see, I might have a CK vest from 1995,

but I do not have a cordless drill.

Priorities, people.

Here she is, all fixed!

At which point my closet made one last attempt to tell me something,

when the hardware on the other end immediately broke.

Lucky for me, the package came with a set of two!

Yay!  I think I will celebrate with a little Post-Christmas Sale Shopping!

Wasting Time

You can never really predict how long a home project will take.  I had plans of hanging new vanity lights in our bathroom and replacing the drawer pulls.
1.   Picking out lighting - I had decisions to make on vanity lighting.  I searched on LampsPlus and found what I wanted, but the cost was going to be WAAAY too much.  When I abandoned my cart online, I actually received a call on my cell phone from LampsPlus to see if I had encountered problems checking out.  Yes, I had encountered a $600 problem!  Time wasted - about an hour.

I love you but you are too expensive!

 2.  I went to Ace Hardware looking for drawer pulls.  After much deliberation, I decided on some pulls.  I needed 13, and they only had about 6.  I conceded and found another pull I liked.  Again, there were not enough.  Over and over again...until I left Ace empty handed.  Time wasted - about 30 minutes.
3.  I went to Lowe's to continue in my quest for pulls and lights.  I found some vanity lights I liked.  I crawled under a ladder and found bin 28 A 17 where they were located.  I needed 2.  There was only 1. Time wasted - 20 minutes.
4.  I found another vanity light I liked.  There were 2!  Yes, add to cart.  It needed glass canopies.  I carefully selected the canopy I liked from 20 different choices. I needed 6.  There were only 5.  I had to settle for another canopy.  Time wasted - 10 minutes.
5.  Now, for some coordinating drawer pulls.  Where are they located?  Why is every Lowe's laid out completely differently?  Where?  Hardware?  Help?  Anybody?
Yes!  I finally located the pulls and carefully selected what I wanted.  Bonus - there were plenty.  I purchased 13.
6.  I found someone who could help me purchase longer screws to fit my pulls in the event that the screws that came with them were not the correct length (which is usually the case.) See, I have learned to ALWAYS BE PREPARED!  I am so on top of things!
7.  Now Phase 2 - installation.  First, I screwed in all the pulls with no problems.  For once, the screws they came with actually fit.  Wasted time in step 7 buying the longer screws - 10 minutes.

 9.  Next, vanity lights.  This was a new realm for me.  I took down the old light and removed the mounting plate from the wall....only to find - 

....A giant hole in the wall making company with 3 medium size holes and 6 small screw holes.  There was no way my new small mounting plate and fixture would hide this monster.  And I don't do drywall.  And I am pretty sure there should be an electrical box of some kind here instead of just wires sticking out of the wall.  Realization sets in...experts will have to be called.  Time wasted - the last two weeks of preparation and everything leading up to this moment.

10.  Project enters Phase 3 - Reinstallation of the vanity light I just removed.  Wasted time - it's hard to calculate when you are this frustrated!

Feng Shui

I was searching through our online photos looking for some good ones for an exciting post I am putting together regarding blinds, when I came across these:

Droopy Fans from our patio at Big Spring House

Our West Texas based realtor told us they were "Feng Shui." 
No, I'm not kidding.

Example of Feng Shui Bedroom

Example of Feng Shui Patio

Another shot of our West Texas Feng Shui Fans.

I did some research:

•  Feng shui - Literally translates as "wind-water" in English.  

^{Wind - fans "make wind."  
Well, good fans anyway.
Water - had to have played into the drooping process.}

^{Our realtor had a valid point after all!}

I went ahead and replaced our fancy feng shui blades with outdoor blades.

Awning

The heat...it's September.  Why...so...hot????
Today brought a new project.  Outside of Carly's room, there was an old awning.  It was shredded and had turned into a hornet habitat. 

(I hate when I cannot find a before photo.)

Didn't take a "before pic."  Just use your imagination.

My mom helped us take it down.  She has never been a fan of ripped fabric.

The frame was still in good shape.

Then she found an awning place in Fort Worth that replicated it.
That was really nice of her.
Marc and I spent a great deal of time sweating it out trying to figure out how to put it back up.

I, for one, considered running away at one point.
But considering how bad I smelled (did I mention that sour rainwater spilled on me?  And I was wearing my "dog poop" shoes?) - I figured no one would take me in.

We considered taking the frame down all together.

We tried a multitude of tools.

We tried sheer force.

Then we tried gently sliding it in, 

which worked.

New awning.    Same old ladder.

You use zip-ties to hold it onto the frame.

Underneath shot.

And there you have it.  Another drop in the bucket.

Headlights

Our house had a missing headlight.

Some might call this "asymmetry."

Others might call it trashy.

And if that wasn't bad enough,

consider the following bulleted points:

• Its one remaining headlight was brass with white accents.
• And the light didn't work anymore.
• I tried new bulbs. No dice.
• Can you spot the wasp nest?  Don't worry, they are dead.  
• At least as far as I can tell.  But you never know for sure.
• And on that note, I bid you Welcome to Our Home.
  
  

  

  We're creepy and we're kooky.

  So I ordered from LampsPlus which is pretty much the most fantastic lighting website on the planet. 

I removed this old casing. Or whatever you call it.

Then re-wired

If you can tell the difference between black and white, 

the wiring is always the easy part.

 

 

And she's baaaaack!

And better than ever!

 

They are motion lamps.

I hope that will turn out to be a good thing.

Under the Sink

Moving into a house that has been vacant and neglected for several months (years?) has it's challenges.  Some parts of the house were easy to clean.  Take these bugs right here:

 Can you spot the spider who is trying to run for his life?

I swept them up into a giant pile, mopped with enough chemicals to contaminate the water supply in surrounding counties, and voila!  Clean!

Other areas are not so simple.  We have 4 sinks in the house and all of the "under sink cabinents looked like this:

Plunger stains?

The obvious solution would be Contact Paper, which was my original plan.  But Marc's Aunt Jane suggested Peel-N-Stick Floor Tiles which can be found at the Dollar Store.  Who knew?

I found an interesting but not extensive selection there (beggars can't be choosers.) 

This is the result:

 Clean and clean-able!

 Very simple project!  Thank you Aunt Jane! 

The Throne

Grrrr....Have you ever gotten really frustrated and gone Incredible Hulk on your toilet?  Just ripped the toilet lid right off the seat? 

Don't you just hate it when that happens?  

Maybe you even smashed someone with it.

  I am not here to judge.  

I am here to help.  In fact, I have the perfect solution for you!

Now then, doesn't that look nice? 

Simply take the seat off, drill four new holes, reattach your lid, and leave the exposed stripped holes to collect bacteria and rot. 
It might be a little wobbly, but you'll learn to balance yourself.
I hate to take credit for this idea.  You see, it was our previous home owner's solution. 


Or you could go buy a new toilet seat for 20 bucks.  That's what I did.
Not that I didn't appreciate their "handy work."

Just for fun, I went ahead and replaced this one too.

Because that's just nasty.

The other Molly is just as stubborn

According to one handy man online, 

"Molly bolts are impossible to remove once installed."

According to one "handy" blogger referring to herself in third person:

"Molly Morris finds it impossible to accept the impossible."

 Meet my evil twin Molly:

One of four Molly bolts sticking out of wall 

after removing wall hangings in preparation for moving.

Searching for answers at Lowe's landed with this wisdom-filled statement, "Good luck on that one."
My response, "Do you have caulk?"  (If you know how Texans pronounce the word caulk, you understand how dumb this sounded.  Not to mention the fact that I made it sound like perhaps Lowe's, one of the largest, if not THE largest, home improvement chain, does not carry the caulk family of products.  My husband was horrified.)  I actually meant spackle, but said caulk.  Why?

Anyway, we (husband strength is a plus on this project) ended up pounding the Mollies back into the wall, then I spackled over them.

Spackle - goes on pink, dries white.







Next, I sprayed the mess with Knockoff Texture, which you let dry for a few minutes, then knockoff with a straight edge.

Next, paint over it.  You are supposed to wait 3-5 hours.  I thought 15 minutes was enough.  The name of this paint color, ironically: "Patience." 

The project was relatively easy and looked mediocre after repeating all the steps from pounding to painting twice.

If that doesn't make you want to run to your local Lowe's in search of caulk, I don't know what will.

Switching a Switch

Having hung light fixtures and ceiling fans, I decided to embark on a new project - replacing our restroom light switch that doesn't work very well.  This switch has been having real problems lately - it is finicky when you turn it on, then will go out at any given moment.  If you have ever been mid-shower when someone comes in the restroom, then leaves and turns out the light, and you are stranded with fully lathered hair in pitch darkness, screaming, "HEY I'M IN HERE!!!"...if this has happened to you...then you can relate to our plight on a small scale.

Step one - watching internet tutorials of handy men changing out light switches and making it look very simple.
Step two - trip to TrueValue to purchase a lightswitch.  Kids acted way too excited at store.
Step three - kids in timeout.

 The crew: my newly purchased light switch, pliers, flathead & phillips screwdrivers

Step four - remove old light switch plate, which should've come off very easily, but SOMEONE painted it to the wall because he/she didn't wish to do any prepwork before he/she painted the bathroom one evening in about an hour with some leftover paint from a botched job in the living room.  That's another blog entirely.

***ALERT - I forgot a step!  A very important one!***

Step three and a half - TURN OFF ELECTRICITY at the breaker box!  This is the most important step.  At least 15 people, plus old handy internet man, told me to do this first.  Dear Daughter got to come out of timeout to help me on this part.  It helps to have someone scream across the house when you hit the right switch!

Step five - remove lightswitch and take out wires. 

 Remove the top and bottom screws to take out the switch.

Step six - put wires in new holes on new lightswitch.  Wires didn't fit.  It appears that I purchased the wrong thingy.

 But they look exactly alike.  Shouldn't that count for something?

Step seven - kids get to come out of timeout for bonus trip to TrueValue.  Good for them - they will have a chance to redeem themselves. 

 30 minutes later....

I just returned from the trip and these were the happenings:

• I explained my situation and showed my switches to a lady at Higginbotham-Bartlett TrueValue who offered to help/blame me for everything.  She told me, "WELL, it doesn't work because YOU NEED A 15 AMP Switch."  She was very know-it-all-like.  I replied, "This is a 15 amp switch."  That ticked her off.  Then I explained that the wires wouldn't fit in the slots and she just said, "Well, we don't have those."  So I returned my switch and received a credit of $3.98, while thinking to myself words that rhyme with "switch."

• We went to ACE hardware, where I once again gave the low down to a worker, this time an older, handy-type man.  He explained that all I had to do was:

use my pliers to make a loops in the two wires:

wrap the loops around the screws:

 and tighten the loops and the screws.

 

• Then he proceeded to sell me the exact switch I had just returned to TrueValue.  However this time it only cost $0.98!  I guess by "True Value" they meant "if you enjoy paying 300% extra and getting made fun of."

Step eight:  I completed the project just as handy ACE man told me to - in about 1 minute (no kidding.)  Now, we have lights!  

Thought for the day:  Sometimes old men are less grouchy than old women.

And I have a lightbulb that I need to replace.

Got Gross Grout?

"GROUT" is such an ugly word.  And unfortunately, it is sometimes an ugly, dirty part of your home.

I noticed that the grout in our living room had absorbed every little drop of liquid that had been spilled on it over the years.  Despite my efforts, I could not get it clean.  I could easily blame the kids or Rex, but I was just as guilty since I generally rush out the door each morning carrying two tons of school stuff and my much needed cup of coffee.  The coffee never makes it to the car without spilling a little here and there.  Once, I even left it on top of the car and didn't realize it until I stopped at a red light.  "What is that noise?  What is rattling on top of the car?  And where is my coffee?"  That mystery took at least 10 blocks to solve. 

Anyhoo, grout + spilled stuff = gross and impossible to clean.

 Take your eyes off that precious cat and feast upon the tile:  

Something about the tile just doesn't look clean to me.

I decided to tackle this problem last summer.
I visited Lowe's and purchased these products:

Then I spent the next several hours removing rugs and small furniture, scouring my grout with the cleaner and the brush, which was about as thrilling as it sounds.  I meticulously vacuumed the tile, swept the tile, mopped the tile, steam-mopped the tile, steam-mopped again, and collapsed from exhaustion.  But just for a sec because I knew I had to work quickly before the grout soiled itself again.

The next step will sound familiar to you if you read my "Patio Painting" blog.  I simply poured the grout sealer into a paint tray and rolled it on the tile and grout.  I did half the floor, let it dry for 24 hrs, then moved the heavy furniture to the "done" part and finished the remaining section.

The result was beautiful, somewhat glossy (which appeals to my Type A semi-clean freak nature) tile.

Ignore the backpack thrown in the middle of the floor; I said I was "SEMI-clean freak."

See the "wet look?"  The best part is, we can drop Popsicle (the kids,) spill an entire jar of salsa (me,) or spill coffee (me again,) all we want...and it mops right up!  Well, it doesn't mop itself up, I still have to do that part.

Re-screening

One of our favorite aspects of our current home is the screened-in porch.  Unfortunately, recently after we moved in, our family proved to be especially harsh on the screening.  Many factors went in to the deterioration of the screening.  Namely, our 12-year-old dog Rex. 

 

Bless his heart - he has cataracts.  He proceeded to bust out every screen within a year's time.  You see, Rex doesn't know he's old.  He likes to take off after birds, skunks, armadillos, or anything else seen or imagined in the yard. Nothing makes a home look more scrappy than ripped and torn screens. So we decided just to rip them out.  This has made our porch very accessible for Rex, which he has no doubt enjoyed.  But the dust and dirt blow in, not to mention mosquitoes and flies. 

I have tolerated this eyesore for about 3 years.  We had an estimate for replacing the screen with cement board ($600) and also discussed taking the screening frame out all together, but the best solution was to re-screen.  I have resisted the urge to re-screen, knowing that Rex was just going to get stimulated and bust it out again.  However, I simply could not stand it any longer and decided to roll the dice.  Some Internet tutorials and a trip to Lowe's later, I had the following tools for my project:

• A roll of vinyl screening ($40) 
• a giant 100 foot roll of spline (maybe around $9) 
• a cheap pizza cutter spline tool (about $3 and I don't know it's real name) 
• and a new razor blade tool ($7 or so)  
• I also needed some scissors (not pictured) and a flat head screw driver. 

And I had to stop by Dillard's for a new pair of shoes ($90) and the kids and I ate at the Food Court ($20 Chinese since Chik-Fil-A was closed because it was a Sunday.  Why do I always crave Chik-Fil-A on Sundays?)  So all-in-all, it cost less than the $600 estimate from our contractor, and momma got a new pair of shoes.

The first step was to remove the old spline.  This is where the flat head screw driver comes into play.  I decided to make an abstract art piece out of the removed spline.  "Homage to Old Spline."

Lovely!  The next step was rolling out the screen and cutting it very liberally to the size of the screen frame.  I was concerned because my Internet tutorials were a.) men and b.) the frame was laid flat on the ground.  But the fact that I was a.) female and the screens were b.) upright, did not seem to matter.  I used my little pizza cutter to roll the spline into the groove on the frame.  I wished I had not cheaped out on the pizza cutter tool.  I had to press really hard (in fact, I was sore for at least two days after this project.)  Sometimes, my hand slipped and I injured myself on the metal framing, which caused me to use a Chinese version of my increasingly favorite home improvement curse word.   I was surprised and a little concerned at how easily it flowed from my mouth.

Notice how I posed my finger so that you could see my injury and possibly garner some sympathy?  Anyway, this step looks much easier than it is.  I did 5 screen panels, and it took me about 3 hours, so it's not like you just roll it in and breeze away.  I asked my husband to help, but even he struggled with it because apparently it's not just strength, but also finesse involved.  He out-did me in the  strength department, but my finesse was the deal breaker.

The last step is trimming the excess screen.    Notice how I angled the knife toward the frame rather than inward toward the screen?  That is because it is easy to do this:

Which makes me very NOT happy after working so hard to get to the trimming step in the first place.  Live and learn people.
The screen product I purchased (vinyl) did not match the screen product from 1994 on the top portion of the patio, but I think I can live with the two-toned effect. 

Also, I ran out of screen, so one panel (not pictured) was left open.  I thought this was a  fair compromise for Rex, since he'd still be able to rush out of the patio to chase any would-be intruders in our yard.  Unfortunately, the phrase "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" appears to be true, since Rex has gone face first into the new screens multiple times already.  However, so far they seem to be holding up against the geriatric force of my dog. 
In closing, I have to mention that our recent rain made my job somewhat dirty, since I had to sit in the yard to access the screen frames.  My pushing and straining and overall unwillingness to give up on my project no matter the fact that I was sitting in mud and my hands were bleeding yielded this little product right here:

Yes, that is grass you see wrapped around my button.