Teaching your family to pick things up

Adapted from this article about How to Get Children to Pick Things Up

This article will give you a way to teach your child to pick things up.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging  virtually impossible

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Time - 18 years
• Patience of a saint
• Lots of Loving   
  
• A realization that you might just have to adjust your standards of clean. 

*Realize that when your child grabs things and throws them all onto the floor, something needs to be done. This is not a good way to live. Rarely will they ever learn, on their own or with the help of others for that matter, that things really do not belong on the floor.

*Try to pretend that you are happy. Mommy is so happy you are chunking stuff on the floor!  Look, the good stuff is in the china cabinet! 

*Pretend that it's a game, and you want to play. Lookey here, now mommy is taking the entire contents of your underwear drawer and tossing its contents one garment at a time onto your floor!  This is fun!  Whoo-hooo!    Now, it really isn't a game. No really...it is kind of fun.  I think they are on to something here.  No more folding laundry.  Just chunk it on the floor!  Of course you don't feel like picking up all the toys, clothes, books, and the never-ending list of things that children purposely throw onto the floor, but push all your feelings aside to placate others but just try to look happy, talk happy, and sound happy while you begin picking these things up. Oh yes, confuse them.  They all think you are crazy anyway.  And if they don't, give 'em a few years.

*It would help if you would even sing while you pick things up with them. "I'm sick of this bit, I'm sick of this bit, why can't anyone, pick up their own ....  "   It would be a little more fun for your child, and they will remember this moment. "The moment when mommy's cheese slid off her cracker."

*Ask your child if they want to play. Most children will be happy to "play".  "I throw things down, mommy sings and picks them up!  This is fun!  I'm off to find more things to throw!"

*Once the game is over, and everything is picked up, it probably won't take long for your child to start throwing things down onto the floor again.  You call this progress? 

*Don't let that bother you, though, because you really are teaching them; and they really are learning. Wait, I thought they were still throwing things down.  Delusional, much?  Where's the "learning" that you mention?  The only thing they are learning is that mommy sings and acts crazy when she's angry.

*Eventually, you should begin to start seeing them picking things up on their own. You only have to harbor your frustration and smile for a little over 1.5 decades.

*They might even sing a little song while they are picking up.  Oops.

*If you catch your child picking up, it would be really great if you would join in, and maybe even say things like, "Yay!", and "This is fun!" Or they will realize that it is not fun, like we all know.  Because it's NOT FUN.  Even if you are singing your little songs and doing your jig and smiling and saying "It's fun!"  It's not fun. 

Let there be (less) light!

Our house has so many lights.  Too many to count.
And with lights come:

Switches....lots of switches

Most of the time, when we hit the switch to turn off a light, we actually end up turning on another light.  We are constantly searching for the right switch.

If you look carefully, you will see 7 of the 14  switches we have in our living room and entry.  That was not a typo or an exaggeration.  14 switches and bagillions of bulbs.

Our master bathroom has 5 light switches and 14 light bulbs.

Perfect for those with cataracts, like our dog Rex, or for people with small, unworking pupils who like spontaneous puzzle-solving throughout the day and paying high-cost energy bills, or for descendants of Thomas Edison.

Ri-friggin-diculous! for the average person.

Master bath:  6 light bulbs in these two fixtures alone, not including shower light, toilet light/fan, and vanity lights.

There are always bulbs that either a) burned out b) shorted out or c) broken out (previous owner liked to bust out bulbs and leave the casings.  I am beginning to understand why!  Too many bulbs!)

....I am slowly slipping into a brightly lit insanity...so bright....so pretty....

So, for my last project, I reduced our lightbulb load by 3 by replacing the above ceiling fan with this:

Just a plain little fan.

Now if I can just find the right switch to turn it on!

Let's hear it for the pests!

I recently had a scorpion in the mailbox, sitting on the mail, apparently just waiting for my arrival to collect my credit card applications, coupons I will never use, and bills. 
So I am always very careful when I open the mailbox now.
Well, it appears that some friendly visitors have come to help rid me of my infestation.

They love each other.  Their love is one.  Or maybe one is about to eat the other.  I'm no expert.

Now go forth and multiply! 

New lights and fans

These are the lights I installed this week.

Project #1 - Carly's room:

Carly's Old Fan on the Ground. She'z lookin' like a fool with her fan on the Ground.

New plain white fan!

Complete with the dolphin that has proudly flown the fans in many of Carly's rooms.

Project #2 Hallway light:

Before - unworking fixture.  Use your imagination. I forgot a "before photo."  Deal.

After - Nice!

Hallway - illuminated.  Great for waking kids in the mornings.

Project #3 Kids' Bathroom

Before:  Look!  Another penta-hexa-octa-polygon smiles down upon us!

After!  This is the one I misunderestimated in size.

You can see the outline of the old fixture on the ceiling.  Just like that, one project leads to another.....

Project #4 Master Bedroom Monstrosity:

This was huge and heavy.  It had 5 arms, 4 legs, and 2 antennae.  It ate small children for dinner.

The new fan is clean and pretty.

There!  I did it!  I'll start another round of ordering fixtures after payday.

FANtastic progress

I love George W. Bush so much.  In 2002, I waited in line for 3.5 hours to vote for him.  And I was pregnant.  And I had a 2 year old in a stroller along for the ride.  I should've received some kind of Bush medal.  Instead, I got a drastic drop in the value of my Roth IRA. 
Anyhoo...

It is no surprise, and Bushy's #1 fan, that when I ripped open the boxes to my new light fixtures,  a Bushism came to mind:

Seriously, they were bigger than expected.

"I misunderestimated the size of these things."

I also hung two fans in LESS than the time the directions told me it would take.  I have learned to read the directions carefully.

That's right, Bushy. Her is reading manual.

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able
to pass a literacy test."









 Carly helped me by finding the screws when I dropped them, and cutting electical tape for me.  She is turning in to quite the helper.

Yes, they is learning.

"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"








I didn't know what to do with the old fans.  I hated to fill a landfill with them. 

What the heck.  We tossed 'em in the dumpster.

"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." --(in parting words to world leaders at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as those present looked on in shock)










 And I did this all for our family.  Because I know that

My wings is taking dream, Bushy.

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

And as often as we move, if I perhaps didn't do something quite right

Ahh, what a beautiful person.

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."  wiring electrical box.







  I took lots of photos.  Someday I will post them.  In the meantime, I am waiting for my Bushy's #1 Fan Medal to arrive by mail. 

Or I'll accept a nice green sash.  Whatever.

Another Brass Frame Painted

A couple of weeks ago, I painted our fireplace frame.  This marks my forth consecutive fireplace frame spray-painting.  We have owned 5 homes.  That is a ratio of 4/5.

Actually, our first home didn't even have a fireplace.

I used some steel wool to scratch the lovely golden surface and taped some newspaper to the glass.

Carly was making the rounds in the neighborhood with her school fundraiser.  Poor neighbors.  You can't resist that smile.

Final product.  Let's be honest here - this room is still ugly.

This is the last large room that I need to paint.
There's so much...
WOOD....
It's too woody.  Or woodsy.  Or whatever.
Plus with the tree and the bird and the wheat.
I'm feeling a little lumberjackish.
Which is not the look I am going for.
I am un-inspired.  Ideas?
Maybe I can find some plaid flannel wallpaper to complete the look?
And I can order some wall words that say:
"How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood."
And I can order one of these 4' chainsaw bears - for the  corner.

Here's a video of me spraypainting.
Why?  I don't know.

Watch it, then give me some ideas for my living room.

I need a laundry room keeper

I don't need a housekeeper.

The house is usually fairly kept.

What I need is a laundry room keeper.

This is embarrassing.

She (or he) wouldn't even have to do laundry. 

I do my laundry on Fridays.

This photo was not taken on a Friday.

He (or she) would have to organize this box of wires.

And old remote controls.

And manuals to electronics.

Most of which we don't have anymore.

Don't stick your hand it there.  It might get caught.

And he (or she) would have to stick some stuff in the attic.

Or maybe make a donation.

To the city dump.

Free to good home.  Broken lamp

Oh, forget it.
It would be too much to ask of anyone to sort through this mess.
I'll just shut the door.
Problem solved.

Kids' Bathroom - the fruits of my hard labor.

Before photos:

Paint dripping down baseboards from bad paint job.

Worn wood with ugly/missing handles

After photo:

White cabinets, fresh neutral paint. Not enough screws to finish the handles.

It is still a work in progress, but it feels like a new room already!

Maintaining your cheery disposition.

I am currently painting the kids bathroom, including the cabinets.
I started out happy.
And am growing frustrated.
So I am generating a list in my head for fun.

Things you need to paint your bathroom

• paint & primer
  
• good quality paint brushes of all sizes
• frog tape
• sand paper
• caulk, screwdrivers, etc.

Things you need to paint your bathroom

while maintaining your cheery disposition*

(*assuming you have a cheery disposition to start with)

• teeny tiny hands
  

 

Barbie will be more than happy to help you paint the itty bitty spots.

• a contortionist
  
  

He'll do.  One foot on the toilet, one on the bathtub.  Now paint that top edge while ducking to avoid the ceiling.

• Poison Control

I managed to eat paint.  Twice.

• Strong Antidepressants

Or a margarita machine.  Whatever works for you.

• A roller derby chick.

Don't invite her in.  Just ask to borrow her knee pads.  You'll be glad you have them when you are crouched down trying to paint behind the toilet.

•  A professional contractor

Me, "Can you fix drywall and rehang my towel rack?"

• Someone to entertain the kids.

Now let's leave your mother alone for a bit.  We'll go play an educational game in the other room!

 I didn't have any of these things.
And that's why I do not have a cheery disposition.
Anymore.
Because I had one to start with.
Really.